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July 2008

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Pilgrimage to Iona

  • Iona Abbey
    Photos from Bob's trip to the Isle of Iona in Scotland in July, 2006.

A Holy Land Trek

  • S6000388
    Photos of my familiarization trip to the Holy Land, January 2007.

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August 29, 2007

The Daily Comic Fix

I've had a long-running fussy feud with The Salt Lake Tribune, our local "big city" rag. First it was the fact that the paper would arrive soaking wet from being dumped in the snow or rain. Then it was the fact that it didn't come at all or came too late for me to read while choking down my daily morning bowl of high-fiber health pellets. Granted, there are larger problems in the world but then again I WOULDN'T KNOW THAT FROM THE NEWSPAPER!

This week, though, the Trib went too far. Twice in the past week the paper has arrived without the "Living" section which contains the all-important, reason-we-buy-the-paper, gotta have 'em daily comics. In the midst of all the murder and mayhem, scandal and stupidity, the comics provide a respite--a chance at some humor to start the day. I'm a big fan of "Zits," for example, which gives an uncannily accurate and funny look into the life of a teenage boy and his family. "Pearls Before Swine" always makes me laugh and I've always found "Doonesbury" to be both funny and poignant. "For Better or Worse" is another favorite, mostly because it explores family dynamics in a thoughtful way. I go to the comics first nearly every morning, figuring it's always better to start with good news.

Frustrated enough to be spewing milk out my nose, I went online this morning and discovered that the Washington Post web site gives you access to just about every comic published in the country. How cool is that? And in color, too! You also don't have to navigate past the ones you don't want, like "Mary Worth"--I mean, who reads that?

It's no wonder that newspapers are going the way of the dodo. I do love the visceral experience of opening a fresh paper and leafing through it, though. It seems more human than looking at the news online, though I'm getting more and more tempted to skip the trip out to the driveway every day.

August 27, 2007

Lessons from Little League

Llws_walkoff_275 I came home from church yesterday and spent much of the afternoon watching the championship game of the Little League World Series between a team from Warner-Robbins, GA and a team from Japan. I watch a lot of baseball over the course of the summer, but this game was certainly the best so far.

The teams were tied at two and went into extra innings. The pitchers from both teams were dominating, the defense fundmentally sound and the boys took some good hacks when they went to the plate. When Dalton Carriker hit a walk-off homer in the bottom of the 8th to win it for Georgia, it was the perfect finish to a great game.

What impressed me most, however, was what happened immediately afterward. The Georgia players mobbed Dalton at home plate, but then almost immediately turned toward the Japanese team who were clearly devastated, shedding the bitter tears that only a 12 year-old caught between childhood and adulthood can manage. Suddenly you saw these boys from different worlds embracing each other sincerely...not in the high five "nice game" kind of way, but with sincere sportsmanship and appreciation for each other and for the game. I gotta say that I teared up some, too.

In the current climate of multi-million dollar contracts and thug-like behavior in the world of professional sports, the LLWS still gives me some hope that somewhere boys still play a game for fun, not profit.

I still wish, though, that I saw kids out playing ball on their own in a field without coaches, uniforms, and aluminum bats. There's something missing in our culture when kids have to be organized by adults to play a game. I remember the days of playing ball in a vacant lot from sunup to sundown every summer--back in the days before video games, home computers, and satellite TV. Little did I know how big a gift my mom gave me every day when she said, "Go outside and play." 

August 25, 2007

An Out of Body Experience

Yesterday afternoon I finally got a chance to get my new mountain bike out on some single track and decided to hit the Glenwild trail. For those of you who aren't familiar with Park City, the Glenwild Loop is one of the best trails around. The problem for me, however, was that it had been a long time since I tackled a serious climb, which the first third of the trail certainly offers. I made it to the top (ok, with a couple of quick stops where I felt like hurling) with lungs burning. The bike (a Specialized Hard Rock Sport) performed exceptionally well, though the operator still needs to work on some technique--like not going too fast around a switchback and winding up face down in the sage brush. It felt absolutely great, though, to be out there--certainly a lift to the spirit.

I saw an article this morning about a different kind of lift to the spirit--that scientists have managed to replicate an out-of-body experience in a lab using virtual reality. Using touch and and a VR helmet, folks found themselves "floating" in a sense outside their bodies the way some people who have had near-death experiences claim. It's interesting research, but ultimately the experiments seems to be more based on illusion.

Separating the spirit from the body is one of the tenets of many branches of Christianity, which see it as a biblical worldview. Problem is that it's really more of a Greek than a Hebrew concept. While the Greeks, spurred by Plato, saw the body as evil and the spirit as good, the Hebrew notion was a body/spirit unity. That's why bodily resurrection becomes such a big deal to the writers of the New Testament. The risen Christ wasn't merely a spiritual apparition but a whole physical person--a transformed physicality, to be sure, but a body nonetheless.

The concept of "heaven," biblically speaking, isn't a place far away where disembodied spirits plunk on harps and walk golden streets. Rather, when Jesus talked about the "Kingdom of God" he was referring to a renewed life in a renewed world--a transformed way of living where people would be whole in body and spirit, the way we were created to be in the first place.

Getting out of the body is tempting, particularly when you wake up in the morning like I did today and have to will each leg to move after that ride. The important thing, though, is to look at one's whole life as a gift from God to be used in the present, making the world look more and more like the incoming Kingdom.

August 21, 2007

Parents: A Teen's Best Friend?

A poll by the Associated Press and MTV reveals that spending time with family is the number one source of happiness for youth ages 13-24. Spending time with friends came in second.

That got me thinking about how churches tend to do youth ministry. When I was a youth pastor, one of the operative principles in the church was that the youth didn't want to be with their parents, that they didn't want to hang out with adults at all, and that adolescence was a time for them to be separated.

While there's certainly a need for young people to discover their own identity, this poll reveals that the primary formation of character, faith, and overall happiness has its foundation within the context of the family.

Rather than separating teenagers or warehousing them until they "grow up," churches and other youth-serving institutions would do better to spend time fostering those family connections. Sunday mornings can often run counter to that thinking, however, as families split off to their various groups as soon as they hit the front door.

We all need to be looking for ways to strengthen the family unit. The old adage may be trite, but it looks like it's true--"The family that prays together, stays together."

August 15, 2007

Nobody Asked Me, But...

  • News today says that a Dutch bishop has called for people of all faiths to refer to God as "Allah" as a way of easing religious tensions. "What does God care what we call him?" says Bishop Tiny Muskens. "It's our problem." Well, if that's the case, then how about calling him "Tiny?"
  • Tabloids report that Brittany Spears has called both her kids "mistakes." Uh, Brit, last time I checked "Oops I Did it Again" isn't a parenting strategy.
  • Excessive yawning may reveal that you are an empathetic person, says some new research. There's a new twist for church on Sunday--"No, pastor, I wasn't bored. I was feeling empathy!"
  • New research shows that it will cost you a cool $290,000 to raise a kid born this year up to the age of 17. I have two of them, both born in the late nineties, making them relative a bargain by comparison. I'll try to keep that in mind when I register them for college in a few years.
  • A Sheriff's deputy in Elko Nevada pulled over his own wife, also a cop, and charged her with a DUI. You gotta give the guy credit for doing his job and protecting the public, but I'm trying to imagine how the conversation at home went afterward. Yikes.

August 14, 2007

Funeral Fracas

As a pastor I've officiated at a lot of funerals, some for the "saints of the church" and some for people whom nobody really liked or cared about. Unlike a wedding where I'm very selective about the process and the people (neither I or the church are simply "vendors" for someone's dream wedding), I'll do a funeral for anyone.

I once did a funeral for a guy that, according to his family, probably didn't deserve a decent Christian burial. The man had cheated on his wife, abandoned his kids, was a raging alcoholic, spent time in jail, etc. and etc. When the family came in to see me about the service, the teenage daughter said, "My dad was an SOB who is probably rotting in hell, but we figured we needed to do some kind of a service for him." 

There were four people at the service, but I officiated anyway.

One of the things I've really come to believe is that funerals are not about the deceased, no matter how good or bad they seemed to be. Funerals are about healing for those left behind. If the person was a "saint," then it's about helping people see God's grace in the midst of grief. If the person was an "SOB," the service is still about that. Of course, most people fall somewhere in between. The point is that the funeral isn't about the virtues or faults of a person, but about the fact that God is with us even in the midst of pain and death. When it comes to death, we are called to preach about resurrection.

I saw this article about a Texas megachurch that cancelled a funeral with just 24 hours notice for a Gulf War Navy veteran who they found out at the last minute was gay. They pulled the plug on the service because they were worried that it would make them look bad to their evangelical peers by tacitly condoning a homosexual lifestyle.

Whether you think homosexual behavior is a sin or not is immaterial here. No one who dies is ever as good or as bad as we like to think whether they are gay, straight, or otherwise. The point of a funeral is to proclaim God's love in the midst of death, comfort in the midst of grief. It's not a time to make political statements, altar calls, or value judgments on people. It's a time to invite people, broken people, into God's presence.

When you make the funeral about the deceased you're making a de facto value judgment about the person's relationship with God. Churches that are concerned with what bin you go in when you die tend to use the funeral as a platform for things like altar calls, with some version of "It's too late for Jimmy, but not too late for you" in the sanctimonious sermon. It's the height of arrogance, in my view, for a church to manipulate people in that way.

When I do a funeral, my focus is always aimed at pointing people to God, to hope, to peace. If I'm asked "Where is my loved one today--heaven or hell?" I reframe the question. The answer for me is always, "In God's hands." Yes, I believe in God's judgment and, yes, I believe that there are people who will always choose to live life apart from God. Ultimately, however, a person's destiny is up to God and I prefer to leave it that way. I'd rather err always on the side of grace.

All of us are sinners and none of us dies without some kind of brokenness. We are all in need of hearing and experiencing God's grace.

I remember doing a funeral once for a guy who was never in church but was a good guy by all indications. His wife said something interesting to me. She said, "You know, Ted had been burned by churches in the past. I always believe, however, that if he could have five minutes alone with Jesus all that wouldn't have mattered."

That stuck with me. I think that's our task as clergy and as churches--to give people that time to experience the real, compassionate, forgiving, saving Jesus and not our pompous caricatures of him.

I felt sad for this family in Texas and sad for what stories like this do to our Christian witness in the world. Churches seem to be too busy making a stand instead of kneeling before Christ and asking for a measure of his love and compassion for the whole world.

August 09, 2007

This Week in Worship: The MacBeth Effect

Ellen_terry_at_lady_macbeth I first read MacBeth, Shakespeare's dark play, in high school and it has always been my favorite of the bard's works. It's a masterful study in human nature, particularly how humans cope with the consequences of their sins.

You may remember that after the murder of Duncan, Lady MacBeth had a hard time keeping her hands clean of the image of his blood--"Out, damn spot!" she wailed. Well it turns out that researchers have indeed found a connection between a desire for cleanliness and a guilty conscience. Check out this blog extract from the journal Science about the experiments.

I'll be using this research as a springboard for examining this week's lectionary text from Isaiah 1 and talk about how we, too, need a real cleansing from not only our personal sin but our corporate cultural ones as well. For those of you who are Homiletics subscribers, the complete text is found in the current issue. It was exceptionally interesting to write! 

August 07, 2007

Concert Review: RUSH--USANA Amphitheater, 8/6/07

Rushinconcert I headed down to the valley last night to catch Rush's latest tour. I've been to most every tour since the Signals album, which makes it about 25 years of seeing the Canadian trio on stage. Taking my friend and fellow rhythm section guy Steve with me, we settled in under a beautiful western sky for a night of heavy duty progressive rock. We were not disappointed.

Most bands from the 70s and 80s that are touring today have a fraction of their original members and certainly show their age. Not the boys from Canada. Even in their early 50s these guys still play with mindblowing power and technique. The video screens focused in on guitar fingerings and a cool overhead shot of Neil's drumming--scenes that heightened the experience for those of us in the crowd who are musicians.

There were 9 songs off the new album, all of which came off very well in concert. I especially like the instrumental "Malignant Narcissism"--a trade-off of riffs between Neil on drums and Geddy on bass. Some old favorites peppered the show and there were a couple of surprises like "Entre Nous" and "Circumstances" that haven't been heard live for a long time (if ever).

Geddy's voice is stronger than I've heard in years. He was hitting the really high notes on the old stuff clear as a bell. Alex's virtuoso guitar playing provided wonderful textures and wailing solos. Steve and I both thought "Freewill" and "Subdivisions" were real highlights.

If I had any quibbles, well, they're not much. The drum mix was a bit muddy. The bass drum had a lot of low end but not real punch to distinguish beats, particularly on double bass riffs. Love the Paragon cymbals, though--they cut through nicely. Only a drummer would notice these things. Neil's solo was inventive at any rate and the rapid crossovers blew me away. Watching Neil hit those drums with such power makes me wish I could use my acoustic kit more often. The Rolands are nice for the small church venue, but nowhere near the experience of hitting the real thing.

One note to USANA: Trying to have 20,000 people and their cars all try to get out of one parking lot exit is insanity. It took us an hour to move about a 100 meters.

It was a great night with a great band, and a show of just over three hours and 30+ songs. I liked the set a bit more from the last tour (which was a 30 year retrospective of their song catalog), but this one was uniquely fun as well.

As the Canucks say, "Beauty, eh?"

August 05, 2007

The Book on Boredom (Sermon for 8/5/07)

Well, now that we’ve entered August we’re getting closer to the end of summer. In most ways that’s kind of sad. Summer here is just spectacular but way too short.

In another sense, though, it’s good to see summer winding up, particularly if you still have kids at home. I don’t know about your house, but at ours this is the time of the summer when the kids are becoming more and more restless. You’ve probably heard some version of “I’m bored” more and more in the last couple of weeks.

As a kid I learned to never say that I was “bored” because my mom would always find something “interesting to do” which was usually more boring that what was boring me in the first place—stuff like mowing the lawn or doing the dishes. Nowadays, kids have rooms crammed with more stuff, toys, entertainment options…but they’re still “bored.”

Youth for Christ, a parachurch youth ministry organization, used to have a slogan that said, “It’s a sin to bore a kid.” Youth ministries and parents have bought into that. Everything always has to be “exciting!”

I remember when I was a youth pastor and we’d be going out on an activity. What was the number one question I got asked by kids? “Is this going to be boring?” Yes, I would say, I have planned the most boring event I could think of. I hope you are totally bored by it.

We have to remember that the expectation that life should always be exciting isn’t grounded in any reality. Boredom is a fact of life—something we have to get used to whether we’re a kid or an adult.

Every one of us has to do mundane things in life that can make us feel as though time has come to a screeching halt. My top five most boring things include: 1) Any kind of yard work, 2) Anything involving mathematics, 3) denominational meetings, 4) waiting in line 5) watching soccer

Granted, there are people out there this morning who would debate anything on my list…but we all have a list. Some would put church on that list, too, though we do our best not to make it that way. It’s like the pastor who announced one Sunday that there would be a meeting of the board right after the service. After the benediction the group gathered for the called meeting. All looked askance when a visitor who had never attended their church before joined them.

“My friend,” asked the pastor, “did you understand that this is a meeting of the board?”

“Yes,” said the visitor, “and after that service, I’m about as bored as you can get!”

There are just some things we have to do in every job, every school, every church and in every household that aren’t glamorous or exciting, but are very necessary. Call it “everyday boredom” if you like.

But there’s another kind of boredom that may be more insidious. We might call it “existential boredom”—the boredom that comes from living a life that has no apparent meaning or purpose to it. The French call it ennui—which means “to annoy or frustrate.” It’s that deep-down feeling of malaise you get when you aren’t getting what you want out of life.

Professor and pastor Fred Craddock says that this kind of “boredom is a preview of death, if not itself a form of death, and when trapped in prolonged boredom, even the most saintly of us will hope for, pray for, or even engineer relief, however demonic.” In other words, when we get existentially bored with life, we’ll do just about anything—even something self-destructive—to try to mitigate our ennui.

Biblically speaking, Craddock could have been talking about Adam and Eve, who got bored with all the wonderful things in the Garden and decided to listen to the snake who offered them what they thought would be a more exciting possibility. Their way of alleviating existential boredom resulted in the Fall. In our modern world, existential boredom can translate into things like addictions, workaholism, and other forms of “demonic relief.” Clearly, we need to find a way to break free from boredom.

Existential boredom is the kind of the theme of the book of Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes is sometimes credited to King Solomon (as are several other books). Most scholars think that he was not the direct author, but if he was it is very telling. Solomon, you’ll recall, was Israel’s richest king—owning vast tracts of land, huge stores of wealth, palaces, and, most famously, he had 700 wives and 300 concubines. He had everything a man could dream of and more.

Yet this book of Ecclesiastes is probably the most pessimistic book in the Scriptures. Look at 1:2-- “Vanity of vanities!” he says. “All is vanity.” Eugene Peterson’s translation puts it this way—“Smoke, nothing but smoke. There’s nothing to anything, it’s all smoke.” Those are the sentiments of a man suffering the boredom of existence. “I ... applied my mind to seek and to search out by wisdom all that is done under heaven; it is an unhappy business that God has given to human beings to be busy with. I saw all the deeds that are done under the sun; and see, all is vanity and a chasing after wind.”

Yeah, the writer is a pessimist. But you know what a pessimist is? It’s an optimist with experience.

The writer’s particular ennui is bound up in his inability to find meaning in his daily life. He feels that nothing he has done or achieved makes any real difference, and he fears that he’ll go to his grave without discovering how to hold onto contentment. Boring. Boring. Boring.

If life were simple and tidy, the author of Ecclesiastes would have gone on in his book to tell us how he discovered the key to overcoming boredom, and this sermon on his book would be titled something like “Three Easy Steps to an Exciting Life.” At the very least, he would tell us that by trusting God, all boredom would dissolve.

But life isn’t simple and tidy, and if you read Ecclesiastes all the way through, you discover that the author doesn’t “conquer” boredom. Rather, he incorporates it as a part of his existence.

Before he gets there, though, he tries several remedies, including self-indulgence, lavish spending and sensual pleasures. He would have felt right at home in our consumer culture, trying to grab hold of every entertainment. But the writer, Solomon or whoever, find that having it all isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.
In many ways the write of Ecclesiastes felt like many people do today. Richard Winter, author of a book titled Still Bored in a Culture of Entertainment, says this: “Many people don’t have a framework of meaning for life which gives them a way of deciding what’s important. So they just surf from one channel to another, one wave to another, one video to another. That seems to be a symptom of the modern age, surfing, looking for the next fix. Something to make us feel alive, entertained. It’s a bit like a drug addiction. There’s so much that could entertain us but nothing really grabs us, so we keep moving from one to another until we find something that entertains us for a while and takes away our boredom, but it doesn’t last. So we’re always on to the next big thing.”
The writer of Ecclesiastes, the “teacher,” discovers that while he experiences some immediate gratification from “the next big thing,” he eventually concludes that these brief distractions are really all the reward there is—they don’t curb his existential boredom.

As I read Ecclesiastes I kind of get the feeling that this guy is going through a mid-life crisis—trying to find anything and everything to make meaning of his life. We were talking about this with friends the other night. Some guys buy a sports car when they get to this point. Me? I want to be in a rock band—that’s my mid-life itch. Truth is, though, that meaning isn’t made so much by what we do but by our internal attitudes and by our relationship with God.

Read through Ecclesiastes and you find that the writer makes peace with the fact that life consists of very simple things and precious passing moments. The conclusions he comes to are pretty simple: Go your way, appreciate your family and passing pleasures, value wisdom and learning, and then this: “Remember your creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come, and the years draw near when you will say, ‘I have no pleasure in them’” (12:1). In other words, start with God, because God provides a baseline of meaning.

That’s about as religious as Ecclesiastes gets.

We would hardly describe Ecclesiastes as a happy, upbeat book, but it has the ring of reality about it. Ecclesiastes describes the real world, not the virtual one we find on our computer and TV screens.

So, as I said, the writer of Ecclesiastes learns to incorporate boredom into his existence. How do we do that? How do we learn to make meaning out of the ordinary without giving into distraction? Richard Winter offers some clues.
For the everyday kind of boredom, Winter suggests that we look at every task we do, no matter how boring, as being part of a larger picture. “You have to understand that tasks like mowing the lawn, washing the dishes, playing the scales — are all a necessary part of life. For musicians and athletes there’s a lot of repetition in training and you accept that because you know there’s a bigger goal, something you’re aiming for. That’s how we should see washing dishes, mowing lawns — there’s a bigger picture we need to stay in touch with. I want to create a place of beauty and creativity. It’s good for my family that I do this, so that we can enjoy recreation and each other. So seeing the disciplined tasks of life that tend to be a bit boring in the context of the big picture is one way to deal with ordinary boredom.”
When I was learning the drums I had to spend a lot of time learning rudiments-basic sticking patterns. Every day I had to knock them out—tedious, boring, perhaps. But now they are reflex. I think that’s what Winter and the book of Ecclesiastes is talking about. We embrace the regular and the routine so that we can build, grow, and mature in our way of living.
Rather than spend spare moments in front of the screen, we need to be pay attention to simple things like the ritual of a daily family meal, set times to accomplish certain chores, daily conversations. Coming to worship on Sundays is a vital form of ritual because it strengthens our relationship with God and with each other.
It seems counter-intuitive, but repetition, ritual, and simplicity are the keys to beating boredom, even existential boredom. The writer of Ecclesiastes eventually winds up with this understanding, too. Go to chapter 3:12-13—“I know that there is nothing better for them than to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live; moreover, it is God’s gift that all should eat and drink and take pleasure in all their toil.”

We often like to think of “giftedness” in terms of accomplishment—the more we do the happier we’ll be. The “teacher” sees that it’s the simple things of life—finding enjoyment in things like family, friends, and even work (no matter how mundane) as being the real gifts God gives us.

As for existential boredom, Winter suggests cultivating a sense of wonder and passion about life. Wonder is something we tend to lose as we get older, but it’s not too far gone. My son begins most of his questions with “Why?” That’s always instructive to me. The world is a complex and mysterious place…God is a complex and mysterious God. Asking questions, learning new things about God, about the world, about ourselves, is a powerful way to bust existential boredom.

Developing a passion is another. Passion can be developed for anything from playing an instrument to reading to cooking. I meet lot of passionate people here in Park City—people who are passionate about skiing or golf and that sort of thing. Those are great things, but we also have to be careful that our passions don’t become too self-serving. Better that we develop the kind of passion that is found in serving others. When we’re giving of our time in service of someone else, there’s no room for us to be bored. When we serve, we empty ourselves and allow ourselves to in turn be filled up by a passion for what God cares about.

I read a story about a woman who drove an armored vehicle that picked up and delivered money. Driving and stopping at stores and banks and waiting for the pickup or drop-off is what she did 10 hours a day, always covering the same route day after day. Talk about boredom! She struggled with her desire to quit and find another job but held on because of the medical insurance benefit and her fear of not finding a job that paid what she was currently making. She grew more and more bored, and before long, bitterness at her life circumstances began to set in. A life-changing turning point for her was the day she decided to give God her day and ask that it be used to accomplish God’s purposes. Instead of mindless existence, she began to use her time while she was waiting to pray — at first for her family and friends, then for concerns raised at church, and eventually she began to pray for the people she met and/or saw from the armored truck. Giving her boredom to God allowed God to transform it into meaning and purpose.

The answer to boredom, the every day kind or the existential kind, isn’t found in increasing entertainment. It’s found in seeing all of life as being bound up in the larger purposes of God.

So, if you’re feeling a little frustrated by life today, I invite you to behold your boredom and embrace your ennui—think of it as a challenge to be creative with your life. If you’re sitting there saying, “I’m too busy to be bored,” understand that over-activity isn’t the opposite of boredom…in fact it may be a form of it, distracting yourself from what’s really important in life.

We beat boredom by embracing it as a challenge. Giving our boredom to God, seeing every moment as a gift of life to be opened and enjoyed, is where we ultimately find meaning and purpose.

Sources:
Homiletics, July/August 2007

Winter, Richard, Still Bored in a Culture of Entertainment. Downer's Grove, IL: Intervarsity Press, 2002.

August 02, 2007

Bored? That's Not a Bad Thing

Tiredyawn Richard Winter's book Still Bored in a Culture of Entertainment really got me thinking about boredom. His basic premise is that despite the multitudinal menagerie of entertainment options in this culture, we're a people who are more bored than ever.

It's not just the "ho-hum" kind of bored we're talking about though. There's a kind of existential boredom that can drive us to do some really wacked-out and sinful stuff as a way of trying to alleviate it.

But, says Winter, there are some ways for us to use our boredom creatively and understand it as a good thing. We did a piece for Homiletics on this and I'll be using that as a springboard to talk about this with the congregation on Sunday. We'll be looking at the Book of Ecclesiastes which, in my opinion, was written by some ancient person going through a serious mid-life crisis.

I hope you'll join us for worship!